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|Wednesday, March 15th, 2006|
so the general consensus...from every guy i've asked anyway...is that a straight guy and straight girl cannot really be friends. there are always ulterior motives and hidden attractions that make the whole thing a sham. also, guys don't usually keep girl friends that they don't find attractive in some way. the sweetest guy in the world and i had this conversation:
me: wow. so are you telling me you'd totally get it on with any of your female friends? given the right opportunity?
me: good lord. my mind is boggled. i thought (guy we were talking about) was a minority on this front
him: nope. he's more honest than most tho
really? do we just keep friends around in the hopes of someday being able to fuck them?
|Friday, February 24th, 2006|
Geez, I haven't written in this thing for so long. It's a wonder they even kept my account open.
But I guess now is as good a time to revisit as any. I have a couple things on my mind anyhow, and since no one really reads me anymore, I can be frank.
Yesterday I found out I was accepted to Harvard's Graduate program. Amazing. I'm dumbfounded. Tonight, out of sheer boredom and narcissism I opened up the "Harvard" file on my desktop and reread the essay and resume that got me in. So many things... I've done. But to me--and this isn't false modesty--it all doesn't seem to add up to much. I guess I'm suffering the freshman dread. Apparently, most Harvard students believe that they were the last person in the pile selected. Some fluke of the system that slipped through the cracks--a sham. That's what they say anyway.
I shouldn't feel that way. And a big part of me is very happy. So why is it I can't sleep anymore?
|Sunday, August 14th, 2005|
|swimming in lightening.
mom: "only idiots with no reverence for life would swim when it's storming like this."
*she turns around to me, my dad, and the foreign exchange student decked out in swim gear. the student's water shoe makes a well-timed squeak.
=) that's nothing. last year we were swimming in hurricanes...
|Thursday, August 11th, 2005|
...i can never quite spell that word...
anyway, i left a perfectly good apartment--stocked fridge, clean sheets and a good-looking man who fixes things--to return home. my parents' house in orlando is the closest i get to checking myself into rehab. my mom met me at the airport, cupped my face and said, "oh no. straight to bed young lady."
and to bed indeed. i've spent the last couple days in the horizontal position--sipping strawberry health drinks, louging on a pool floaty, smiling at random golfers. methinks everyone needs a week like this...
another great thing about being home is i don't have to constantly be all crazy inside my head. my parents do all of the worrying for me. yay parents.
|Friday, July 29th, 2005|
|say hello to my little friend...
i now have two rather garish cuts on my face. One is just a sliver under my right eye. the other is bigger, kinda shaped like a bird, on my left cheek bone.
how i acquired said scars is too shameful and convoluted to discuss here. suffice to say it sucks, makeup doesn't cover it up and ...it's just a hair bad ass!
the reasonable side of me has been rubbing bacitracin on them every night to keep them from scarring.
one thing's for sure...people sure as hell don't fuck with a little asian girl with scars across her face!
screw pepper spray. =)
|Wednesday, July 20th, 2005|
|new york fucking city.
new york fucking city. the site of all my misguided hopes and dreams has officially kicked my ass. i was nearly mowed down several time in greenwich village, terribly unimpressed by nyu and leered at by some crazies. not to mention the detour through the bronx which sucked the wind out of my chest several times. and yeah, everyone does look really ANGRY. why?
i think the next week will be me curled up in a tiny jess ball under the bed, praying that i don't get eaten alive by dust bunnies and the leering rastafarian from washington square.
alright. regroup...try again.
maybe next month.
|Sunday, June 26th, 2005|
The JEE is back in the continental U.S. !!!!
My day is complete. Current Mood: chipper
|Friday, June 24th, 2005|
i guess it's time to say goodbye to the familiar. i've been visiting all my old spots--the beach, random bookstores and coffee shops, freshman year dorms, the del taco on the corner--so many sappy memories here.
mel, do you remember pumpkin man? the time you caught me drenched in the hallway after a midnight run through the sprinklers? fugitive hermit crabs? jee, remember the finals-time cold we caught that nearly killed us? i think we went through the entire kleenex factory that week!
they stick in your mind even if you thought yourself the emotional equivalent of teflon.
it's a hard business this leaving. even when it feels right to move on. you can't help but wish childishly (for a moment) that you could revert to simpler times.
i've learned a lot here: how to live without a family. how to create your own. how to be devastated, then put on sunglasses and go to lecture. how to look someone in the face after you broke down on their bathroom floor. how to deconstruct dry 18th century literature and take a proper shot of whisky from a friend's crotch.
but most importantly how to just accept the myriad versions of yourself that keep sprouting up. stop harping on the flaws...(which are decidedly ugly, but on second glance maybe not so big). stand alone without being lonely, not be in love with falling in love. i'm still working on those last two.
i guess the idealism from highschool still lives.
sayonara cali! and thank you. Current Mood: recumbent
thanks to a hippie chick who shall remain nameless, my room now reeks of 'nag champa.' i feel like i should be wearing a flowy skirt and hitting a four foot bong.
oh, post-college life...has it come to this?
|Wednesday, June 22nd, 2005|
|spin spin sugar...
does anyone remember that old sneaker pimps song? well, it rather mockingly came on as i was typing my cover letter for freelance work.
it's funny...so much of who you are is how you spin it. what was just a boring internship suddenly becomes "valuable journalistic training," days of fact-checking until your eyes go numb..."researching and editorial assistance."
well, i'm sufficiently beefed up. now, to find a head hunter... Current Mood: complacent
|Saturday, June 18th, 2005|
|Tuesday, June 14th, 2005|
Mother-dearest is flying in tonight!! A whole week with my mom... Who knew it could be so exciting? It's just nice to have her on my turf for once--my apartment, my car, my neighborhood, my rules.
I have a whole itinerary planned with aquarium trips, graduation portraits, beach picnics, seeing Hollywood, revolving sushi tables. And the best part is...I get to be touristy again. I'm inured to the whole Cali scene, but hearing my mom get all excited about Newport beach has me twitchy again!
Hooray for mommies. =) Current Mood: giddy
|Wednesday, June 8th, 2005|
In two weeks I will be graduated! I picked up my cap and gown today and almost died of excitement...not for the walking part, but for the getting the fuck out of irvine part.
NYC here I come.
|Monday, June 6th, 2005|
guy at the gym: i've seen you here like almost every day.
guy: you must really like to work out.
me: it keeps me from slowly going insane.
guy: so what you run and--
me: try to forget that I live here...yeah. kind of like a prison sentence. if i was an inmate i'd be the buffest motherfucka on the block.
he returns to his desk and gives his friends the 'loco' sign. ah well, lost another one. =) Current Mood: busy
|Friday, June 3rd, 2005|
|howl at the moon...
there's a coyote howling loudly outside my window (well more in the hills, but you get it). it's funny to think in this surburban sprawl, sterilized, prepackaged irvine there are actually packs of coyotes roaming around looking for their next bite.
this morning i almost stepped on a dead bird and half mangled rabbit on the side of the sidewalk. a chinese lady looked at me and said, "coyote." just like that.
thinking maybe i should start sleeping with my window closed... =)
|Thursday, June 2nd, 2005|
|bed time stories...
my mother never read me the brothers grimm (thank god), but she did like to tell me this one story over and over again. in retrospect, i think it might explain why i'm so fucked up about guys.
maybe there's an english equivalent. but basically...
one day this woodsman saves a deer from being killed by hunters by hiding the deer in the a pile of logs. to thank him the deer (yeah, the deer talks) says that he will grant him one wish. the woodsman wants a beautiful wife. the deer tells him that there is a pond in the middle of the forest where angel/fairy things comes down every night from the heavens to bathe. he tells him that if he steals an angel's robe, she won't be able to fly back up. the woodsman (shady bastard) does exactly this one night and when the angel is crying in the middle of the woods he asks her what's wrong. she tells him she is lost so he takes her home and cares for her...eventually they fall in love and marry. every day they are married she wishes aloud that she could have her robe so that she could visit her sisters. the woodsman is heartbroken when he hears this...he asks the deer what he should do. the deer says wait until she has three children before giving her back her robe. why? because if she has one or two she can tuck them in her arms and carry them away...but if she has three, she won't be able to carry them all, and she'll be stuck. (women don't leave their children in this fairy tale).
so after their third child is born, the woodsman gives the angel her robe. the angel is elated and tries to run away but finds that she can't, in fact, carry all her children. she's stuck and starts crying again. the woodsman really thinks he's got her.
then one day, she says to him do you know what i'd like more than anything? a beautiful wicker basket to carry all the flowers from my garden in. he, wanting to give her everything she wants (except her freedom), goes to the market and buys her the biggest, strongest basket there is.
the next day...she's gone. duh. she put the kids in the basket and flew back up to heaven.
the moral of the story? men exist to trap women and make their lives miserable.
|"i" before "e" except after "c"
all these writing workshops have made me afraid of the words "really" "very" and "quite."
apparently they (along with other dead weight adjectives and forms of the verb "to be") are products of the devil.
but sometimes a girl really really needs an adjective y'know? =) Current Mood: nerdy
|Saturday, May 14th, 2005|
...it just got HOT outside. little beads of sweat even when you're sitting still.
summer was a sneaky bastard this year.
|Tuesday, May 10th, 2005|
I have the most ass-bad case of senioritis right now.
...a lot of people say that, and it doesn't really mean anything. but today i was fighting the urge to pull over on macarthur and hop the first flight to NYC. fuck this shit.
i quelled the urge and made it home where i proceeded to apply eye makeup for 2 hours with blatant disregard for my paper, powerpoint presentation and 200 pages of reading that's due tomorrow. fuck this shit.
my paper for travel journalism reads something like: "people travel a lot looking for things..."
my brain is mush. pigslop even. Current Mood: annoyed
|Thursday, May 5th, 2005|
for those who know me...
i have to spend the day dressed as a guy (for a friend's 'zine) and write about my experiences. My question to you is: What kind of man am i?
hopefully a sexy one...but at 5'2" i doubt it. =) Current Mood: devious